i'm sorry this isn't fancy or long or poetic, just me rambling over the course of several days trying to put my thoughts together so maybe, just maybe you understand how i feel. you'd think for someone who professionally needs to put things into words that i'd be considerably better at this but the truth is, i'm not. i'm horrible about talking about how I actually feel, explaining how much people mean to me. i think i'm changing though 'cause everything comes so easily with you. i know we joke about how much i hated men, how over it i was - but i mean it. i always felt like love and everything that comes with it was for everyone else; it wasn't going to something i'd understand or experience firsthand. it took awhile but i think i understand why now. it's because
no one was you. it's as simple as that.
it's fucking wild to think that literally a month ago we were just clueless idiots bumbling our way through a friendship but i'm so thankful
every single day for you. thankful that you love me, that you understand me when i barely understand myself, that you have endless patience with me when i'm needlessly freaking out about nothing. i know i've been scared and i know that freaks you out, but this whole being away from each other thing? further solidifies my thought that i literally don't want anything else in this world other than to be with you. i want to be with you on the days that i fucking hate myself, the days that you hate yourself, the days where neither of us want anything to do with the world. it doesn't matter to me because i know you have my back and i hope you know i'll be here for you for it all.
i hate that i'm so fucking bad at this so i could express to you just how much you mean to me, how happy you make me every single day. everything in my life is slowly falling together and i didn't realize what i had been missing: the enormous spot you're supposed to fill. that was until the universe realized it really owed us both one and i crash landed into your life, making a mess like i'm known to do. but pete, you're more than just my best friend or my boyfriend, you're literally the other half of my fucked up brain (
i'm so sorry). i cannot thank you enough for everything you do for me, how beautiful you make me feel or how just absolutely wonderful you are as a person. i'm so lucky to know you - nevermind get to (
hopefully, if you'll let me) spend the rest of my life waking up next to you. the last few days have been hard and i'm sure it's going to be harder but i want you to know that i love you more than anything in this entire galaxy and i can't wait to kiss you on the stupid, perfect, handsome face.
you know i love being extra so, there's a part 2 to this.