pete:

i'm sorry this isn't fancy or long or poetic, just me rambling over the course of several days trying to put my thoughts together so maybe, just maybe you understand how i feel. you'd think for someone who professionally needs to put things into words that i'd be considerably better at this but the truth is, i'm not. i'm horrible about talking about how I actually feel, explaining how much people mean to me. i think i'm changing though 'cause everything comes so easily with you. i know we joke about how much i hated men, how over it i was - but i mean it. i always felt like love and everything that comes with it was for everyone else; it wasn't going to something i'd understand or experience firsthand. it took awhile but i think i understand why now. it's because no one was you. it's as simple as that.
it's fucking wild to think that literally a month ago we were just clueless idiots bumbling our way through a friendship but i'm so thankful every single day for you. thankful that you love me, that you understand me when i barely understand myself, that you have endless patience with me when i'm needlessly freaking out about nothing. i know i've been scared and i know that freaks you out, but this whole being away from each other thing? further solidifies my thought that i literally don't want anything else in this world other than to be with you. i want to be with you on the days that i fucking hate myself, the days that you hate yourself, the days where neither of us want anything to do with the world. it doesn't matter to me because i know you have my back and i hope you know i'll be here for you for it all.
i hate that i'm so fucking bad at this so i could express to you just how much you mean to me, how happy you make me every single day. everything in my life is slowly falling together and i didn't realize what i had been missing: the enormous spot you're supposed to fill. that was until the universe realized it really owed us both one and i crash landed into your life, making a mess like i'm known to do. but pete, you're more than just my best friend or my boyfriend, you're literally the other half of my fucked up brain (i'm so sorry). i cannot thank you enough for everything you do for me, how beautiful you make me feel or how just absolutely wonderful you are as a person. i'm so lucky to know you - nevermind get to (hopefully, if you'll let me) spend the rest of my life waking up next to you. the last few days have been hard and i'm sure it's going to be harder but i want you to know that i love you more than anything in this entire galaxy and i can't wait to kiss you on the stupid, perfect, handsome face.
you know i love being extra so, there's a part 2 to this.


forward!